Monday, February 3, 2014

News: Majority Of Office’s Supplies Used To Apply For Different Job

It's true. From The Onion.
Majority Of Office’s Supplies Used To Apply For Different Job

ST. PAUL, MN—Sources at local digital marketing agency Fusion Media confirmed Monday that the company’s stationery, broadband connection, printers, fax machines, and various other office equipment and supplies are primarily used by employees to apply for different jobs.

“Do you know if we have any more printer paper in the supply closet—maybe some of that nicer, heavier-stock paper we use for presentations?” account executive Ingrid Zander was overheard asking office manager Heidi Campbell, who was herself reportedly using the company’s digital postage meter to send off a résumé and cover letter to a competing business.

 “And could you check to see if we have any legal envelopes, too? I’m going to need seven of those.”

Sources also reported that the four Fusion Media employees who had taken a sick day Monday were all currently seated at a PR firm several blocks away interviewing for the same position.

Vid Of The Day: 8-Bit Lebowski

You got a White Russian.



Random Celebrity Encounters Of The Day, Vol. 2

More stories from the Tumblr blog Did I Tell You About The Time....


GEORGE HARRISON SIGNED MY MATE'S BEATLES LP
A friend of mine was in Japan in 1991 and saw George Harrison at his hotel. So he went out and bought a Beatles LP and waited in the foyer trying to look casual. Harrison came back in after few hours and my mate got him to sign the record. Harrison signed all four Beatles’ names, despite Lennon being long dead, and my friend was too confused to say anything to him before he went into the elevator.

I MISTOOK BLOC PARTY FOR HIPSTERS
Before a Bloc Party show, my husband and I walked a couple of blocks from the venue for food.  A group of guys walking toward us were dressed achingly hip.  I turned to my husband and said, “Look at these guys in their stupid hipster clothes.  I bet they’re dressed up for the show.” At the concert, I found out the guys were Bloc Party.

I HAD PIZZA WITH ICE-T
In 2003, I was having an argument with my now ex-wife in a NYC pizza shop when Ice-T and CoCo came in for a slice. He was telling her about a new project he was working on. He was excited, kid-like. I stopped arguing with the now ex to say hi to Ice T. He switched on his gangster persona and signed my NYC guide book. Book signed, tourist (me) away from his table, and he was back to plain old Tracy Lauren Marrow just talking with his wife.

I MET GEORGE CLINTON IN AN ELEVATOR WHEN I WAS SIX
I was staying in a hotel in Washington D.C. on a family vacation when I was 6. Mom allowed me to go down a floor to get ice from the ice machine and I saw George Clinton with two Nation of Islam body guards in the elevator. I knew it was him because PCU was running on Comedy Central. I said, “You’re George Clinton”. The two body guards laughed hysterically because I was a doe eyed, tiny white kid. George replied, “Damn Right”.

I DID NOT TAKE A PHOTO OF LENNY KRAVITZ
I meant to take a picture of Lenny Kravitz but accidentally took a picture of me and my buddy looking all excited because we saw Lenny Kravitz. Because sometimes your phone does that thing when the camera is flipped because you wanna take a selfie.

I DISAPPOINTED JANET JACKSON
I was working at the Chanel cosmetics counter when I got a call from security saying Janet Jackson was in the store and was coming my way. I was told not to fawn over her or ask for an autograph. She approached my counter and I smiled and asked how I could help her. She took out a list of some makeup she needed….and we were out of stock on nearly every item she wanted. As I searched in vain and broke out in a flop sweat, I told her I would look back in the stock room. She sighed and said okay. When I came back, she was gone.

I SOLD MORRISSEY FACE CREAM
I sold Morrissey some very expensive face cream at a store in Minneapolis. I was about to tell him how much I loved him, but as I started to open my mouth, he pulled his knit cap down over his head, and scurried away.

I CAUGHT A LIFT DOWN WITH ELVIS COSTELLO
I cant remember who else was in the lift but he said in a monotone voice - ‘there will be bloodshed in the lobby’. There was no bloodshed, just some Attractions and assorted others.

I TOLD PAUL McCARTNEY HE HAD A COOL BELT
I was eating at a hotel when Paul McCartney and his daughter, Beatrice, and I think it was Heather Mills, came in and ordered breakfast. Beatrice was wearing a ballerina outfit and crawling under my chair, pretending to be a cat. Paul got slightly irritated and took her back to his table, apologizing profusely, while all I thought was Hey it’s Paul McCartney say hi say hi say hi, and so I opened my mouth and said, “Nice belt,” because it was embroidered with teddy bears and guitars. He looked at me strangely and nodded.

I BEGGED A TEN-NOTE OFF BILL WYMAN
One time in my life I was unfortunate enough to be homeless in London. I begged a tenner off Bill Wyman, which he signed. He said “One day that will be worth something.”  It was. I bought cider and cigarettes with it to the value of £10.


LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails