Thursday, February 27, 2014

13 Men's Fashions That Never Should Have Happened (Of The Day)

From Complex, who list 50, but I just picked 13 I had actually heard of. My idea of trendy is wearing a shirt with a collar.

CARPENTER PANTS
Lookin' good, Dad. Can I borrow your band saw?

FROSTED TIPS
Frosted flakes.

WALLET CHAIN
You're not Springsteen.

MANICURED BROWS
Even worse than a unibrow.

FOX TAIL BELT
LOLwut? Is this real?

BIEBER HAIR
Even Bieber doesn't wear this anymore.

PARACHUTE PANTS
Stop! Hammer time's over.

CAPS WITH STICKERS
Those come off, you know.

DEEP V-NECKS
You might as well wear an unbuttoned button-up shirt.

TRUCKER CAPS
Trucking isn't cool and never was, except for a brief time in the 70s
that we are all trying to forget.

LAYERED POLO SHIRTS
I thought this only happened in John Hughes movies.

SHOES WITH POINTY OR SQUARE TIPS
What are you, a clown?

CONVERTIBLE PANTS
Part pants, part shorts, all lame. Unless you're 7, then they're way cool.


See the rest at Complex.

Vid Of The Day: Cat Apology

Cat attempts to apologize. Stay with it. From Funny Or Die.



News: American Airlines To Phase Out Complimentary Cabin Pressurization

From The Onion.
American Airlines To Phase Out Complimentary Cabin Pressurization

FT. WORTH, TX—Explaining that the costs of the service have grown too high in recent years, American Airlines announced Tuesday that it will no longer offer free cabin pressurization to passengers starting March 15.

“Unfortunately, to stay competitive as a legacy carrier in today’s air travel market, it no longer makes economic sense for us to provide breathable air at altitude,” said American Airlines CEO Doug Parker, noting that despite the cutbacks, air pressurization would still be available to first- and business-class travelers as well as those willing to pay an additional fee.

“While we regret any altitude sickness, blood problems, dimmed vision, or hyperventilation that may result from air pressure less than a third normal levels, we remind our customers that such effects will diminish as soon as the aircraft descends below 10,000 feet.”

Parker added that the company is also planning to discontinue complimentary landing gear on flights under four hours.

10 Famous People Who Turned Down SNL (Of The Day)

From Mental Floss.

JOHN CANDY
[SNL] set its sights on some of Second City’s most talented players. There was only one problem: The legendary comedy group had its own sketch comedy show, which featured John Candy, Catherine O’Hara, Eugene Levy, and Harold Ramis. According to Doug Hill and Jeff Weingrad’s book, Saturday Night, Candy “was mortified at being caught in the middle of the tug of war between Saturday Night and SCTV.” He stuck with the latter, but did host SNL in 1983 (and made a couple of cameos).

BONNIE HUNT
Bonnie Hunt’s decision to turn down a role on SNL all came down to one question she posed to Lorne Michaels. “I asked, ‘If there's an end of a scene that doesn't feel like it's working, can you improvise?’” Hunt recalled to the Los Angeles Times. “And he said, ‘Absolutely not.’” And that was it.

AMY SEDARIS
Following Janeane Garofalo’s departure in 1995, SNL was in need of another funny lady and Amy Sedaris auditioned for the spot, but at the same time she was starring in a play she had written with her brother, David. “I met with Lorne Michaels, but at that time we were doing our play One Woman Shoe, and it was everything I wanted,” Sedaris told Interview Magazine in 2001 of her decision to pass.

THE BEATLES
In 1976, six years after they had disbanded, The Beatles were offered $230 million by promoter Sid Bernstein to reunite—an offer they promptly declined. Shortly thereafter, Lorne Michaels made a live plea to the Fab Four to reunite as musical guests on SNL, stating that NBC had authorized him to offer them “a certified check for $3000.” In David Sheff’s book All We Are Saying, Lennon shared that they actually considered it: “Paul and I were together watching that show,” Lennon said. “He was visiting us at our place in the Dakota. We were watching it and almost went down to the studio, just as a gag. We nearly got into a cab, but we were actually too tired.”

JENNIFER ANISTON
While promoting Just Go With It on Oprah in 2011, Aniston’s co-star—and SNL alum—Adam Sandler recalled, “being on the ninth floor where Lorne Michaels’ office was, and seeing Jen come in,” back in the early 1990s. “I was like, ‘Oh, my God. There’s Aniston. Is she about to be on our show?’” But Aniston, who was getting ready to star on Friends, says she declined because, “It was a boys’ club. They thought I was making a huge mistake.”


(Continued here)

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

9 Ways That Sex Is Good For You (Of The Day)

Like you needed an excuse. From the Mirror.
1. Sex makes you smarter

Scientists using mice in their research have discovered that lovemaking greatly increases the creation of neurons located within the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for the formation of long-term memory. And stopping the mice from having sex led to a fall-off in their intelligence, psychologists from the University of Maryland found.

2. Sex makes you look younger

Dr. David Weeks, clinical neuropsychologist at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, says his research found that older men and women with an active love life looked five to seven years younger than their actual age.

3. Sex keeps you fit

A Canadian study last month found that a half hour of sexual activity could burn more calories than walking on a treadmill. In one study, men in a 25-minute sex session burned an average of 100 calories, the women 69--or roughly the same as playing doubles tennis or walking uphill for 20 minutes or doing 40 minutes of yoga.

4. Sex lowers men's cancer risk

The good news for men - for older men, anyway - is that regular sex may be linked to a lower risk of prostate cancer, according to a study from Nottingham University. Men who kept up a regular sex life in their 50s – ejaculating more than 10 times a month – were at a lower risk or prostate cancer.

5. Sex can cure headaches

The age-old excuse of a headache may now be obsolete as research has found that orgasms in women might actually get rid of headaches. Apparently orgasm is associated with an upsurge of blood flow in the brain which could reduce headaches.
6. Sex boosts your mood

A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour found that young women felt more depressed the longer they hadn't had sex. Stuart Brody, a professor of psychology specialising in sexual behaviour at the University of West Scotland, says that the absorption of hormones in semen could help improve the mood of women

7. Sex boosts your self-esteem

A survey taken at the University of Texas found that people who had sex more regularly felt more confident about their bodies.

8. Sex can prevent a heart attack

Researchers at Queen's University in Belfast found that having sex three times a week could halve your risk of having a heart attack or stroke, while a study in Israel found that women who had two orgasms a week were up to 30% less likely to suffer from heart disease as those who did not have an orgasm.

9. Sex sets you up for the day

People who enjoy a bit or morning passion are more upbeat for the rest of the day and also have a stronger immune system than those who decide to have an extra snooze instead of a smooch. American scientist Dr. Debby Herbenick found that adults who made love first thing in the morning enjoyed a mood boost that carried right through until night time.

Vid Of The Day: Lip-Sync Battle Between Paul Rudd and Jimmy Fallon

Both great but I gotta go with Paul. Link from Julie Martin.



10 People From Your Past Who Will Haunt You On Facebook

I was looking at one of my h.s. yearbooks the other day and read this note from a dear old friend (misspellings and all):

Hey C-man! Was this a GREAT year or WHAT? You made Trigg tolerible. I'll never forget the raisins. Kincaid will miss us next year. You're a rad dude. Stay cool.

Friends forever,

Steve

Yeah, friends forever, Steve -- whoever da fuck you are.

I have zero recollection of Steve. None. Not a clue. Nor do I remember any shenanigans involving dried fruit with this Steve or anyone else.

I looked up all the Steves in my class -- there were three -- and I knew none of them (my school was huge). I remember Trig, I remember Mrs. Kincaid, I don't remember Steve.

Maybe someone was playing me. I hope so. I don't want Steve to find me on Facebook and have to pretend I remember him and all the wacky fun times we had in Trig. I hated Trig.

Other people from your past who will find you on FB:

THE BEARER OF BAD NEWS



What They'll Say:

Dear all,

It's with deep regret that I must inform you that our friend from high school, Gordon Porgle, was involved in a car accident.

You may remember Gordon as the quiet person who would spend his time in the library rather than waste his time with us outside. One of my favorite memories of Gordon was that time at the school talent quest when he played GnR on the classical piano. It was hilarious.

He is in intensive care, but is expected to make a full recovery. I will be sending a card soon. If you would like your name to be included, please let me know.

What They'll Really Mean: I've atoned for being an asshole at high school by caring about the uncool kid. I'm better than you.


NEVER MOVED ON FROM HIGH SCHOOL



What They'll Say:

Hi all!

This is just an update for everybody about the reunion. I'm still waiting for a few people to get back to me about when the best time is, but it's looking like it'll be held between Jan and June.

I've found a few more people from class and added them to the list. If this is the first time you've received one of these emails, some of us who are still in the old neighborhood will be hiring out the gymnasium at the high school for a get together.

Please let me know when you can make it back to town.

Thanks!

Jules

What They'll Really Mean: Remember how I was popular in high school? I'm better than you.


THE NUTJOB



What They'll Say:

Good friend from a yesteryear passing.

I was simply running my tired eyes over the complexities of human existence in the electronic age − fashion, dot-coms, recipe indexes − when I stumble across the musings of a brother from the past.

It is with great pleasure that I share the love of God with you and offer you my shankra. The sublime Lord has allowed love of humans to spread as energy, which is why He/She (?) allowed the Network of Hope to be created.
I am floating an egg for you and hope you will share with me your comings and goings; toings and frowings; wins and deaths, so we shall once again share.

What They'll Really Mean: I'm in a cult and we're recruiting new members.


(See the rest at Cracked)

Monday, February 24, 2014

News: Parrot Rats Out DUI Driver To Cops At Alcohol Checkpoint

Then owner eats bird after getting out of jail. Not really, but I would, the little snitch. Snitches get stitches, you know. From the Daily News.
Parrot rats out driver to cops at alcohol checkpoint: 'He's drunk!'

A Mexican motorist was busted drunken driving after his pet parakeet ratted him out to police.

Guillermo Reyes, 49, was pulled over by traffic officers at a routine alcohol checkpoint in Mexico City last week.

As he got out of his blue Chevy to be tested, cops heard a voice saying: "He's drunk, he's drunk."

At first, they thought someone else was inside the vehicle. But, on closer inspection, they were stunned to see it was Reyes' beloved bird turned snitch.

(read more)

Vid Of The Day: Mario Kart Speed Skating

I laughed.



Dad Jokes Of The Day

You know, the corny, punny jokes that Dads like to tell. From Reddit.


My dad walked in the room while I was on the treadmill and said, "Where ya going?"

My dad is coming home from a business trip today and takes a picture of the clouds outside of the plane from his window seat. He sends me a text of that picture with the caption: "Hey, which one do you think has all your information?"

I told my dad about this subreddit
Me: I just found it, and it's great. Now everything you say will be my fodder.
Dad: I'm already your fodder. And over there, [pointing to my mom] that's your mudder.

My dad: How do you sell a deaf man a chicken? (Leans in close, takes a deep breath and screams:)
WANNA BUY A CHICKEN?!?!?


Helping my 13 year old make his bed. It's a hot night and the ceiling fan is on.
"Don't flick the sheet too high, Dad, or else..."
Me: "Or else what?"
"or else the sheet will hit the fan"

It was a used and fairly old car, so it was a little smelly...
Dad: So how many horse power does this car have?
Me: About 250, why?
Dad: I think one of them died.

My dad: Why did the cowboy get a Dachshund? Someone told him to get a long little doggy

Every time my dad hears a police/ambulance/fire siren, the same joke: He'll never sell any ice cream at that speed!

HEY DAD, DID YOU GET A HAIRCUT?
No, I just dyed the tips of my hair invisible.


My brother opened his Christmas present, which was a book of Edgar Allan Poe stories. My grandfather: I heard the critics are RAVEN about that one!

Dad to my sister: Someone said you look like an owl.
Sister (pissed): WHO?!
Dad laughs hysterically

Dad: What's the capital of Alaska?
Me: Juneau.
Dad: No, I don't know, that's why I asked you.

So I have a buddy that works out around the same times as my dad during the week. When this guy works out he always has a superhero under armor shirt on, usually spiderman it something similar. My dad asked what hero he is today, he replied "I'm Thor". To which my dad said "well maybe if you thretched more you wouldn't be tho Thor!"

Dad: Have you heard of the band 1020 MB?
Me: No.
Dad: That's because they haven't got a gig yet.


Korean "Anything Goes" Senior Photos Of The Day

High school in Korea lets students do whatever they want in their senior photos. Hilarity ensues. Link from Rocketnews and Sophie S.

News: Smartest Kid Ever Sells Girl Scout Cookies Outside a Medical Marijuana Clinic

Duuude! That's like... uh... brilliant and stuff. From Slate.
Smartest Kid Ever Sells Girl Scout Cookies Outside a Medical Marijuana Clinic

by Katy Waldman
Feb. 20, 2014

Danielle Lei of San Francisco is one smart kid.

According to Mashable, the 13-year-old and her mom chose a diabolically brilliant spot to vend Girl Scout cookies: outside the green-painted walls of a medical marijuana clinic.

Unsurprisingly, sales were, um, high—the resourceful Scout dispensed 117 cookie boxes in two hours, 37 more than she managed to sell outside a neighborhood Safeway grocery store the following day.

It is a rare magical moment when the invisible hand makes a shaka sign and supply wafts up to mingle with the perfumed plumes of demand. But another cool thing about this story, besides its 13-year-old heroine monetizing the munchies for a cause, is that it may have its origins in a scam that went viral: a Photoshopped image, later debunked by Gawker, of three Girl Scouts selling cookies in front of a Colorado pot shop.

(read more)


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