Friday, January 31, 2014

News: ‘Deport Bieber’ Petition Gets Enough Support to Require White House Response

I wish it mattered.
‘Deport Bieber’ Petition Gets Enough Support to Require White House Response

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A petition in support of deporting pop star Justin Bieber following his arrest for drunk driving and drag racing has gained enough signatures to require a White House response.

The petition, created Jan. 23, now has more than 110,000 signatures as of Wednesday. The White House is required to reply after 100,000.

Here is the text from the petition:
We the people of the United States feel that we are being wrongly represented in the world of pop culture. We would like to see the dangerous, reckless, destructive and drug-abusing Justin Bieber deported and his green card revoked. He is not only threatening the safety of our people, but he is also a terrible influence on our nation’s youth. We the people would like to remove Justin Bieber from our society.

According to Gawker, the White House response has no time table, and could take weeks. A counter petition to not deport Bieber currently has just 1,619 signatures.

Very Bad Russian Wedding Photos Of The Day

Hey, at least they had fun. The last one is my favorite.



More here.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Everyday Words And Phrases You Can't Say Anymore Without Some Jackass Grinning At You

And that jackass is me.
beaver
tool
wood
box
pole
stiff
organ
snatch
cock
pork
tongue
cream
blow
pitcher
catcher
back door
carpet
mow the lawn
trim the hedges
hole
rack
pussy
handy
69
limp
pitch a tent
explode
bulge
oral
pull out
hit bottom
girth
jugs
melons
wad
swallow
spit
stroke
coot
squirt
muff
Tang (breakfast drink)
mount
sack
frontal
oral
facial
water sports
anal
puddin'
spurt
sausage
weiner
milk
tap
action
get some
get lucky
taco
fish taco
hot button
tail
hit it
nail
wand
shag
prick
doggy
missionary
cowgirl
lay
gash
slit
poke
nuts
balls
blue balls
on the whole
pearl necklace
fur/furry
rug
rear entry/entrance
munch
snapper
shaft
plug
fruit basket
score
suck
spew
cat head

Got any others?


Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Hilarious Delivery Room Quotes Of The Day


Tales from doctors, midwives, husbands and other people who were there. From this thread on Reddit.

- My wife during labor: "THIS FUCKER BETTER BE WORTH IT!"

- My sister said she told the doctor as he sutured her episiotomy, "Sew it up all the way, doc. We won't be using it anymore."

- From the birth of my son:
WIFE: "(pant pant pant) I can smell poop, did I poop?"
ME: "No honey, everything looks fine, just relax"
WIFE: "UUuAAaagggGHhHh (pant pant pant) You're a terrible fucking liar! Why can't you lie better?!"

- My ex-wife looked down and said "I'm having a puppy"

- Another mother, after delivering a little boy, said "No, that's wrong. Check again! It's supposed to be a girl. There's been a mistake."

- ME: You're doing great, honey.
WIFE: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP JUST CUT IT OUT OF ME!


- While going through an extrememly long and strenous labor with my brother, my mom told the doctor to "burn all the Elvis records."

- My dad was holding my mom's hand, spouting off random comfort. She looked him dead in the eye, face red and eyes bulging, and said: "Don't. Fucking. Tell me. WHAT. TO. DO."

- My wife said "Yay! BBQ tonight!" when she delivered the placenta.

- When the doctor told me to start pushing, apparently I said (I don't remember this), "No! I changed my mind! I'm not doing this!"

- Wife was in labor for 8 hours. About 5 hours into it I ask her "Do you want anything from the lounge?" Normal question. Had been bringing stuff for her, ice chips and that. She looks at me in the middle of a contraction and snarls "Talk to me again and I will FUCKING KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND..."

- My wife during a grueling labor: "THE NEXT ONE IS COMING OUT OF YOUR DICK!


- When I had given birth to my daughter, just as she was put on my stomach, I look down at her and I said. "Is that mine?"

- My son was not cooperating and the doctor had to turn him. So I'm laying there while the doctor reaches up in me and what came to mind came out of my mouth: "I have officially decided that I do NOT want to try fisting."

- Me, during a particularly painful contraction: "I am a Klingggggggonnnnnnn! Aaaagh!!!"

- I was a friend's 'labour coach' and during one contraction she grabbed her husbands testicles and squeezed the ever loving FUCK out of them! The Doctor and I had to pry her vice-like gripped fingers from his bruised nutsack.

- When my mum was giving birth to my sister, after several hours of pushing, she screamed at the doctor to 'PUT A GUN UP THERE AND SHOOT IT.'


- When my mum gave birth to me, she wasn't allowed to eat anything and was in labour for 22 hours. For the last bit when she was actually giving birth, they said she kept screaming "I WANT A CHEESE PIE!"

- I used laughing gas and during a contraction accidentally pinned my arm under me pressing the mask onto my face, I breathed in too much and my husband said I looked like cookie monster screaming "too ...much... gas!"

- Apparently before going into labor my mother watched The Fly. After days of trying she finally got me out (sunny side up and with only two vessels in my cord) and the first thing she said when she held me was, " Oh God it's a maggot." They had wrapped me in a white blanket and I guess I was pretty squirmy.

- "CAN SOMEONE SHUT THAT WOMAN UP?!" I yelled this at my doctor after getting very annoyed at the woman across the hall, who was also in labor screaming.


Anyone else have a good delivery room story?

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Final Movie Shots Of The Day

Final shots from movies. Which movies? That's for you to figure out. There's no list of answers on the site. I only know about half of these.

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Vid Of The Day: Fight Club Minus Tyler Durden

If you've seen the movie, you will understand this. If you haven't, never mind.



News: New Bra Only Unhooks If You Are In Love

Japan.
New Bra Only Unhooks If You Are In Love

Just when you thought Japan’s technology couldn’t get any weirder, they’ve decided to create a chastity belt-like device… for your boobs.

The Japanese lingerie company Ravijour created a bra that will only unhook if it thinks you are in love. It’s called the True Love Tester bra, and is labeled an “innovative bra” that “cannot be unhooked without true love.”

The bra uses a built in sensor that reads your heart rate and communicates with an app on your phone to calculate what exactly your heart rate means.

If it decides you’re digging some guy, it just pops off. No, seriously. It just pops off.

(Read more)

Pics Of The Day: Kanye'd By The Bell

Kanye West lyrics + Saved By The Bell. From the Tumblr blog.


(More here)

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