Thursday, November 7, 2013

News: Giant Burrito To Solve All Of Area Man’s Problems For 6 Precious Minutes

From The Onion.
Giant Burrito To Solve All Of Area Man’s Problems For 6 Precious Minutes

GREENSBORO, NC—According to sources at a local Qdoba, 31-year-old advertising sales associate Anthony Gerrit is about to purchase an extra-large burrito that will completely resolve every concern, burden, and troublesome issue in his life for six blissful minutes.
“I’ll have a chicken burrito, please,” said Gerrit, soon to be overcome with feelings of pure joy, without a care in the world about his work performance or whether his coworkers like him.

“With some brown rice.”

“And black beans,” Gerrit added as the burrito—which for the next few minutes will remove any expectations from his family to be as successful as his other siblings—was slid over to the next employee in the food preparation line.
 
Reports confirmed that upon taking his first bite of the Mexican delicacy at approximately 6:42 p.m., Gerrit will be instantly liberated from having to pay any outstanding credit card bills, car payments, or monthly rent.

Prior to taking his final bite six minutes later, Gerrit will also be spared any guilt for not calling or visiting his parents more often, and especially for his decision not to come home for Thanksgiving this year.

(read more)

News: The British Are Drunk In 76% Of Of Their Facebook Photos

Pissed as farts! Good for them. From Business Insider.
The British Are Drunk In 76 Percent Of Their Facebook Photos

Brits are drunk in 76 percent of photos that they're tagged in on Facebook, reports the Telegraph.

According to a study conducted by photo storage website MyMemory, over three-quarters of photos were taken either with alcohol or after the consumption of alcohol. It was also reported that 93 percent of Facebook users in Britain had de-tagged or deleted photos deemed to show them embarrassingly drunk.

Additionally, Mashable notes that 56 percent of users said they wouldn't want co-workers to see their drunk photos while eight percent admitted to having photos that could cause serious trouble if discovered by a colleague.

The study questioned 1,781 users in total. And, of course, over a quarter of these (26 percent) allow anyone access to their photos.

Bad Joke Eel, Vol. 2

Because eels always look like they just told a joke and are waiting for a laugh.















Volume 1 here.

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