Thursday, May 9, 2013

Discarded Lines from Robert Palmer’s “Simply Irresistible”

From McSweeney's.
Discarded Lines from Robert Palmer’s 1988 Hit, “Simply Irresistible”

By Chris Clancy

“She floats like a dirigible”

“Her voice is oddly guttural”

“That pothole’s unavoidable”

“Old Play-Doh is less malleable”

“Black licorice is terrible”

“Her hair’s as blonde as Martin Mull’s”

“I think I’ll try a Lunchables”

“That Hägar’s not so horrible”

“Red wine will stain the enamel”

“I’m mispronouncing chipotle”

The contract is now void ’n null

“George Bailey’s life is wonderful”

“Unfortunately this line has way too many syllables”

News: Peeping Toms Busted After Falling Through Bathroom Ceiling

Brilliant. I guess there was no Mensa meeting that night and these two got bored.

Best FB comment: "What movie was so boring?"

From The Smoking Gun.
Peepers Busted After Falling Through Ceiling

APRIL 30--A pair of Georgia men seeking to secretly ogle some undressed women crashed through the ceiling of a movie theater restroom in a peeping Tom operation gone awry, police charge.

The duo was arrested late Sunday night after they apparently went into the men’s bathroom at the Venture Cinema 12 in Duluth and climbed up into the ceiling. From there, the men navigated to the area above the nearby women’s restroom, where they allegedly spent time “invading the privacy” of female victims, according to arrest warrants.

The suspects’s peeping concluded, however, when they tumbled through the bathroom’s drop ceiling, which apparently was not designed to hold the weight of two adult men. The pair’s plummet ended with what was likely a painful convergence of peeper with porcelain and partition.

Gwinnett County Police Department officers busted relatives Eduard Alexander Kovynev, 27, and Eduard Petrovich Kovynev, 26, on peeping Tom, criminal damage to property, and public drunkenness charges.

As detailed in one warrant, the accused peepers caused more than $500 in damages to lights and the bathroom ceiling by “crawling around in ceiling” and “falling through the ceiling” at the 12-screen movie theater.

Seen in the above mug shots, the Kovynevs (Eduard Alexander is at left) were booked into the county jail and released yesterday morning on $5000 bond.

Granny Guitar Heroes Of The Day

Rock out with your frock out, Grandma! I don't know what songs they're playing so I'm taking some wild guesses.

"Hocus Pocus" - Focus

"Ace of Spades" - Motörhead

"Donna" - Ritchie Valens

"Misirlou" - Dick Dale

"Brown Sugar" - The Rolling Stones

"Jack U Off" - Prince

"Still They Ride" - Journey

"Hair Of The Dog" - Nazareth

"The Spirit Of Radio" - Rush

"Wild Thing" - The Troggs

"Going To California" - Led Zep

"Whiskey In The Jar" - Metallica

"The Boys Are Back In Town" - Thin Lizzy

"Give It Away" - Red Hot Chili Peppers

"Easy Lover" - Phil Collins & Philip Bailey


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