Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Free Weave

best of craigslist > portland > 

Free Weave (purple comb included)

This alluring weave can be found hanging on a bush on SE Francis Street and SE 36th Ave.

Not really sure how it could have gotten here but some of our guesses are that the previous owner:

1. Wanted to go back to her natural hair length

2. Was drunk and got a little too rough with her comb

3. Got into a fight and lost

Or she might want someone else to have long luxurious hair just like she once did and work it.

Will it be you?

Get it girl.

Job Query Of The Day: I Would Like To Be Pope

From McSweeney's.
I Would Like to Be Pope

by John Ortved

Dear sir or madam,

I am writing to apply for the position of Pope. I recently received my Bachelor of Arts, or “artium baccalaureus,” from Dartmouth College, with a major concentration in Theatre Studies and a minor concentration in Computer Science. While I have been focusing on the technology and financial sectors, I have recently decided to widen my job search to include top non-profits, such as your organization. 

I became aware of the availability of the position of Pope through the Dartmouth listserv; I am greatly impressed by the achievements of The Catholic Church and share many of its goals. I believe my qualifications and outlook make me a unique and interesting candidate for Pope and I would be enthusiastic to grow with The Catholic Church.

Over the past four years, I have worked tirelessly to receive the kind of well-rounded education that is indispensible to today’s leaders, whether in the boardroom, the operating room, or the Vatican. My thesis project, a musical King Lear that took place entirely on Facebook, integrated my chosen areas of study, including Advanced Shakespeare, Social Media and Society and 20th Century History of Latin Jazz. As social chair of my fraternity, AXA, I not only increased the attendance of our weekly No Pants Parties by 30%, I successfully persuaded the Dartmouth Disciplinary Council to permit AXA to conduct internal reviews of alleged incidents of sexual harassment and bullying. I am a problem solver.

While I have never studied Catholicism per se, I have several credits in World Religions and, as the intern supervisor at the prominent, Oakland law firm of Russ, Davies & Chalmers will confirm, I am a quick study. Additionally, I have noted your organization’s expanding client base in South America. This is an area in which I am well versed, after spending an entire semester in Buenos Aires, where I became intimately acquainted with the people, their food and their culture. Well traveled and a man of the world, my Spanish language skills “hablar” for themselves.

(continued here)

Vintage STD Propaganda Posters Of The Day

Funny stuff from Hannah and Acid Cow. Interesting (i.e. lame) how women are portrayed as deadly temptresses and ghouls, and the poor soldiers are hapless victims. This wasn't that long ago, either.

Hmm. Define "procurable."

See? They had cock blockers even in the 1940s.

She may look like Katy Perry -- but...

More here.

Dipsh*ts Of The Day: Thieves Steal Hooter's Jukebox Instead Of ATM

From MailOnline.
Men caught on CCTV driving truck into Hooters to steal ATM but mistakenly take jukebox instead

Jukeboxes are an increasing rare sight these day which might explain why two men in San Diego, California broke into a Hooters bar to steal one.

Police believe the two young men – described as in the late teens or 20s – mistakenly took the jukebox thinking it was a much more lucrative ATM machine.

The incident occurred at around 4am on Tuesday morning and police have released surveillance footage which shows the dumb thieves stealing their musical booty.

The CCTV footage shows the two suspects breaking the glass door of the Hooters at 16911 West Bernardo Dr. in Rancho Bernardo with an unknown object and then trying to drive reverse their vehicle into the lobby.
The open doors weren't wide enough for the truck, so the suspects wrapped the 5-foot jukebox in a tow strap and lifted it into the bed of the pickup and drove away.

Police have described the jukebox as about 5-feet tall and with the Hooters logo on it.

The suspects were wearing dark, baggy clothing and hooded sweatshirts pulled over their heads.

The pickup, either a white or silver colored late 1990s Nissan or Dodge with a crew or extended cab, may have damage on the rear side and the taillights. Pieces of the taillights were left at the scene.


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