"BEAR" What it’s supposed to mean: “We are slightly cuddly and lovable New Age guys, but we are also manly and could totally hang your door/fix your fridge if we were required to.”
What it actually means: “We are sexually unthreatening.”
Examples: Bear in Heaven, Boy and Bear, Grizzly Bear, Panda Bear, Bearstronaut (above), Bear Crossing, Bear Hands, Sunbears, Bear Ceuse, Bear Trap "BEACH"/"SUMMER" What it’s supposed to mean: “Our music is imbued with a warm sense of nostalgia and romanticism. You can totally put on our record when you get home with the dude/dudette you met at Union Pool/Hall.”
What it actually means: “We like Instagram, Polaroids, and drinking out of paper bags in the park. We are from Asshole, Virginia, but refer to ourselves as ‘Brooklyn-based’.”
"KIDS"/"TEEN"/"YOUNG"/"YOUTH" What it’s supposed to mean: “We are exuberant and youthful and joyous and etc. All the blogs will love us!”
What it actually means: “We are regretting this already and will be regretting it even more if we are still together in 10 years’ time.”
Examples: Kids of 88, Black Kids, Cold War Kids, Young the Giant, Platinum Kids, Unicorn Kid (above), Rich Kids, LIL KIDS, Teenage Kicks, Teen Daze, Teen Commandments, Young Ladies, Young Hines, Young Evils, The Young Things, Young Unknowns, Young Magic, Choir of Young Believers, Young Heel, Young Adults, Your Youth, Diamond Youth, Reptile Youth and, of course, Sonic Youth
"BIRD" What it’s supposed to mean: “We are in touch with nature. We have been to Nashville.”
What it actually means: “What? No, we’ve never seen Portlandia. Why?”
Examples: The Bird and the Bee, Little Birdy, The Wooden Birds, Blackbird Blackbird, Black Bird White Sky, Bird Call, Railbird, Leaf Bird, Bird to Prey,
ROCKFORD, IL—Despite ostensibly being a boy, local grandson Eric Detweiler, 17, has long hair just like a girl’s, his grandfather reported Wednesday.
“Well, I don’t know, people tell me I have a grandson, but I sure as hell don’t remember him having a big head of girl hair,” 72-year-old George Detweiler said in a raised voice and well within earshot of the teenager, who according to reports apparently divides his time nowadays between dressing like a jackass and screwing around with his weirdogirl-haired friends.
“Can you believe it? And his mother and father actually let him run around like this, all dolled up like a prom queen," says Detweiler.
"My own parents never let me go four weeks without a proper haircut, but then again, I was a boy, not a girl like my granddaughter here.”
The elder Detweiler added that come Christmastime, he supposed he would have no choice but to buy his grandson a pretty red dress and a brand-new pony.