Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The 7 Least Convincing Movie High Schoolers Of The Day (And Possibly Ever)

From CollegeHumor.com.

There's a reason filmmakers rarely cast actual teenagers. Real adolescence is full of insecurity, change, stickiness, and other things no one actually wants to see on a big screen. Still, there's a fine line between comfortably post-pubescent and somebody's goddamn grandma.

JUDD NELSON (The Breakfast Club)

Movie Age: 17
Actual Age: 26

It's OK that Judd Nelson's classic bad boy looks a few years older than his naive peers. It's not OK that he looks like he's been drinking and smoking heavily for the past two decades. Through no fault of Judd's, the fingerless gloves and endlessly layered flannel all reek of a guy a little too old trying a little too hard.


Movie Age: 25, if we're being generous
Actual Age: 40

Casting Director: "Sir, I'm sorry, we've sent offers to every comedian in Hollywood, no one wants to be in this movie."

Producer: "No one?"

Casting: "Well, the guy from Rocket Man's available, but, I mean, he's old enough to be these kids' dad."

Producer: "Fuck it, we're not making Citizen Kane here. Book him."

RICHARD DREYFUSS (American Graffiti)

Movie Age: 18
Actual Age: 26

Thanks to a rare, Benjamin Buttons-esque condition, Richard Dreyfuss has spent the majority of his life as a fifty-five year-old man. So while it's strange to see him play high school, stranger still is that the film is a period piece, set a decade earlier in 1962 when Dreyfuss was actually finishing high school. With such quixotic casting, no wonder the only other thing on the director's resume is some silly fantasy movie.

(Not Another Teen Movie, The Hot Chick, Fired Up)

Movie Age: 17
Actual Age: 23-32

Story goes, an old gypsy witch was so infuriated by Olsen's performance in Not Another Teen Movie that she cursed him, dooming him to become that which he had mocked. (The witch was a big She's All That fan.) In any case, the irony came full circle this year, when 32-year-old Olsen played a vain high school football star in Fired Up, a non-parody version of the role that gave him his start almost a decade ago.


Movie Age: 17
Actual Age: 33

Given the actual skills needed to be in a musical, it's understandable producers would want to cast more seasoned performers. However, not only was Channing aggressively attacking her mid-30s when the film came out, she was already on her second marriage. Singing/dancing? Yes. Remotely convincing teen angst? Not a chance.

TOM HANKS (Forrest Gump)

Movie Age: 15
Actual Age: 38

If biopics like Ray and Walk The Line have taught us anything about historical figures, it's that, after puberty, they remain stuck in their early-to-mid thirties for their entire life, pausing only occasionally to don unconvincing old-age make-up. Despite his fictional status, Forrest Gump is no exception, going from young tyke to Robin William's Jack in one brace-shattering montage.


Movie Age: 18
Actual Age: 26

How outrageous is it that producers thought that, at the age of 26, Shannon Elizabeth could be remotely convincing as a Czech foreign exchange student? I mean, with her limited resume, what possible assets could she have brought to the-- ah, right.

Facebook Fail Of The Day: Josh The Pirate

From Lamebook and Anastasia.


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August Motivational Poster Roundup

They're funny because they're true.



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