Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Amazon Listing Of The Day: J&K+8

Stolen from Bev. Is it me or does $37 seem like a lot for a footstool?

Classic 70s Song Of The Day: Lonely

Heard this one the other night in CVS whilst waiting for my thorazine refill and thought it an odd choice for store music. Not that I'm complaining -- I always liked this song. I'm surprised Andrew didn't have more hits, although he did have another one, and it's a song you know. First person to name it without Googling wins a year's supply of nothing. Hint: It was a sitcom theme song.

Oh, and if you lost a hairbrush, the drummer has it (0:47). Just come backstage and claim it. Thanks.

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Definitions

best of craigslist > chicago >

Craigslist w4m definitions and meanings

Date: 2009-08-29, 7:12PM CDT


"Baggage" = I can't deal with actual human beings
"Curvy" = fat
"Drama free" = I'm still bitter and involved with the last guy who got me pregnant
"Love to laugh" = I am boring as hell so hopefully you can make it entertaining
"Looking..." = spam
"Must love..." = spam
"Partner in crime" = I'm as clever and interesting as a brick
"Seeking..." = spam
"Sensual" = fat
"Something real" = spam
"Treat me..." = fat black woman with a highly undeserved sense of entitlement
No picture = fat
Picture of sunset, flower, cocktail, eyes = fat
Three or four sentence post of superficial crap with picture of cute or hot woman = spam
"Not looking for sex" = I'll blow you
Five paragraphs long post = I'm fucking insane


"see what happens" = I'm hoping for at least a fingerbang
"down to earth" = boring
"sincere" = needy
"romantic" = needy
"drama-free" = I need a vagina that won't bother me after I'm done with it
No picture = I resemble a creature from Middle-earth
Picture of anything else other than a person = I will give you an STD
"Love to eat pussy" = Don't really know which part the pee or the baby comes out of
"spoil you" = I hope you're into watersports
"let's chat" = My other hand is on my erection
"love [music, movies, tv]" = I'm a cultural retard
"experienced" = one or two date rape convictions

Vid Of The Day: Audition Fail

They might be missing the point of the audition. Stick with it -- it just gets better and better, and the ending is awesome. From

9 Actors Who Need To Hang It Up (Of The Day)

They're being kind to include only nine. I can add about 20 more to this list.


Their complete disinterest in making movies couldn't be more obvious if they just filmed themselves flipping off the camera for two hours. If it's so painful—just quit already.


The perfect two-fer. Not only don't either of them give a shit about cultivating a respectable career anymore, but each cynical, Meet the Parents in 88 Minutes step they take further tarnishes anything cool they once did. Why don't you both righteously mercy-kill your careers now, and spare us your humiliating decent into Marlon Brando-ism?


Speaking of tarnishing… remember when Eddie Murphy was a dangerous loose cannon who tore through movies like a wise-cracking tornado? Yeah, we're talking about the same dude from Norbit. Murphy thinks that becoming "family friendly" has saved his career, when in fact it's killing him with each painful camera mug. Kids don't think he's funny and adults can only think of a time when he did stand-up films like Delirious that shocked us and, more importantly, cracked us up. Give it up, man. Oh, and fuck your couch.


He's halfway there—but saying you're quitting, while simultaneously hogging more spotlight with your petulant whining about being in the spotlight isn't the same as actually quitting. Think you're depriving us of your talent? Think again. You won't be missed—there are least four self-important douchebags who can easily take your place. How hard is it to mumble anyway? Say "bye good" for real, ya brat.


The Departed should have been a home run for Jack—playing a badass crime boss in a Scorsese film? But while Matt Damon and Leo DiCaprio rose to the occasion, Jack decided to play Frank Costello as, well, The Joker. Cackling, waving a rubber dick around—c'mon, Jack. We love you, but you've actually become a caricature of a cartoon character you once played. We want cool, intimidating Jack, we don't want grandpa-off-his-meds Jack.


Know how Kevin drowned out the audience snoring during screenings of Swing Vote? By snoring even louder on screen. His last three roles could have been played by a Xeroxed headshot taped to a boom mic for all the effort and interest he put into them. Clearly, he quit acting four years ago and just forgot to remind himself. Well, let us do that for you, Kev…

(See the rest at


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