Friday, August 13, 2010

PSAs Of The Day: Don't Lie

I watched way too much TV in the 80s. I must've seen these commercials hundreds of times while watching Andy Griffith or Dick Van Dyke on WGN or TBS (damn their 5-minute delay).

This first one has a young Alfonso Riberio. He played the Michael Jackson allegory on Silver Spoons and taught us to dance with his immortal Breakin' and Poppin'. Later he was the uptight Carlton on Fresh Prince. Here he shows a good example of honesty in the face of an angry opera diva.

This one has no notable stars that I'm aware of, but predicts dire consequences for those who stretch the truth. Apparently once one lies, his brain will ache, his heart rate will increase and he'll wish death upon himself. Don't worry, kids; it gets easier the more you do it.

The PSAs were produced by the LDS Church (the Mormons). They always had a pretty big budget for glossy and well-made commercials. The message is good, if saccharine. To date the Mormons have never lied.


Douchebag Of The Day: Foul

So, you're at a baseball game with your best girl and a foul ball is hit right at you. Do you:
  • Catch the ball, turning into a hero in your beloved's eyes
  • Move out of the way like a little girl, regardless of the consequences
Here's what this dude did:

And here are the consequences:

- Posted by Frank

News Of The Day: Al Gore

From The Onion.

Recently Single Al Gore Finally Able To Listen To W.A.S.P. Albums

NASHVILLE, TN—Finally unhindered by his wife Tipper's 25-year-long household ban on violent and sexually explicit music, former vice president Al Gore, 62, reportedly embraced his newfound independence this week by listening to the albums of the heavy metal band W.A.S.P.

"For the first time in decades, I get to play the kind of music I like without someone nagging me about what a bad influence it is," said Gore, sitting on the floor of his living room as he cued up the song "Animal (Fuck Like A Beast)" on his stereo. "And I get to crank it up as loud as I want."

"These guys are kicking some serious ass," added the two-term U.S. Senator. "Check out this guitar break coming up—it's nasty."

Gore, who was prohibited from hearing music with graphic sex, violence, or drug references since Tipper founded the Parents Music Resource Center in 1985, confirmed yesterday that her crusade was "total bullcrap." In addition, Gore said that listening to the forbidden W.A.S.P. albums over and over again had not turned him into a satanic dope fiend as his wife and her associates had warned.

"It sucked because we always had to listen to garbage like Carly Simon and Lyle Lovett all the time," said Gore, who told reporters that he was "loving" being single again. "That stuff is lame, man. If it doesn't have big balls and bigger riffs, get it out of my stereo!"

Sources confirmed that Gore has also been catching up on movies that Tipper would not allow the 62-year-old to view because they contained violence, adult language, or nudity. He recently finished watching
Purple Rain nearly 26 years after his wife forced him to turn it off because the song "Darling Nikki" contains references to masturbation.

Gore also announced plans to stay up all night watching
Porky's, Fast Times At Ridgemont High, Red Dawn, and The Terminator.

"Why would I need Tipper when I've got all this?" said Gore, gesturing toward stacks of compact discs, vinyl albums, VHS cassettes, DVDs, and Nintendo games. "I'll tell you one thing: If she thinks I miss her, then she's out of her mind, because I don't. I'm living the dream here, my friend. I'm not lonely at all."

Added Gore, "Not lonely at all."

(Full story at The Onion)

Artist Of The Day: Soul Portraits

Have you ever said to yourself, "Ya know, self, you really need a celestial soul portrait done. All the cool kids are doing it"? I haven't either, but it's time we did, because these things are oh-so-bitchin'.

Here's "How It Works," according to the "artist," Erial, a big fan of "quotation marks." (Before you continue, do yourself a favor and cue a little mood music.)

1. You contact Erial Ali - letting him know you wish such a portrait. (Hello, Erial? This is Cary. I wish such a portrait.)

2. Erial has a phone consultation with you - where he finds out about you: your interests, your passions, your fascinations, your credit card number, how you "see" yourself.

3. You send Erial a high-quality photo of yourself - an image that you feel is highly representative of "the real you." An image that represent how you like to be seen. An image that represent you being "naked." This will be Erial's "starting point."

4. Erial spanks meditates and "tunes into you," to "get your unique Essence" (while careful not to get his unique Essence on your photo).

5. Once Erial really "gets who you are," then, starting from the image you provided, he magically transforms it into a Celestial Soul Portrait of you! (Hope you like fairies and rainbows!)

6. Erial mails you a CD of this portrait. This CD is a very-high quality, very large and high-resolution digital image - enough detail to print out a VERY LARGE PRINT that looks magnificent. Not that anyone will ever see it.

7. You are then free to use that image on your website, print hi-quality photos of it, or even print hi-quality medium-size posters of it, or medium-quality hi-size posters, or low-quality medium-sized posters while you're "hi," all of which you can frame. (Print shops can do this for you, or you can do it at home with a nice printer and photo paper.)

Here's what you'll get:



You like, huh? Of course you do. Very nice, huh? Yes. Very nice.

I already ordered mine -- only $250!

See more here and get your own.

Celebrity Cry-Babies Of The Day

Know what my grandma would tell these people? "Quit that squallin' before I give you something to squall about."

Boo fuckety hoo


I guess that's why they call it the blues

Sniff sniff

Aw now...

There, there

Poor lil' fella got Punk'd

T8r face

ArrĂȘter de pleurnicher, bĂȘte ennuyeux!

The mirror made her cry

This might be my favorite

Shut your festering gob, you tit!

Tragic Johnson

"I'm sorry we lost. Please don't eat me."

Vid Of The Day: Honesty

Posted by Samsmama.


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