Friday, March 19, 2010

Free Music Of The Day: Pure Volume's Unsigned Bands

Click the logo for some free tunes. Maybe there's a reason these bands are unsigned, maybe not. You'll just have to download the songs and find out for yourself, won't you?

See how good I am to you people? It's pretty amazing when you think about it. But hey, that's just me. I'm a giver.

"Caption This" Photo Of The Day

Make me laugh. That's an order.

Commercial Of The Day: Forehead Tittaes (NSFW-ish)

From Funny Or Die.

Vid Of The Day: Newsroom

I see Italy has local news, too.

From Kate S.

Concert Announcement Of The Day

Got this in my e-mail today and was mildly amused because you got three metal bands with a single, severe name, and I can just hear the radio ads now with some voice-of-God announcer -- bass and distortion and reverb all cranked up to 11 -- saying, "MEGGGAAADETH... TESSSTAMENNNNT... EXXXODUSSSSS." I've heard of Megadeth but who the hell are Testament and Exodus? What about Leviticus or Sheol? Why aren't they on the bill, too?

Then I look at the pic and the dudes are like 150 years old and I picture four geezers up on stage in leather pants stuffed with tube socks, thrashing their heads and singing about things like going straight to Hell and sucking Hitler's balls for eternity, and I wonder if at their age they worry about any of that bullshit, you know, actually happening to them. How funny would it be if one of these jeters cacked right in the middle of "Deliver Me Unto The Grim Reaper"? You'd have to laugh at the irony.

Then I scroll down the page and see this "Who's Going?" thing and laugh my ass off. Look at that gallery of hooligans. Of course that's who's going! Who else would it be?

11 Movie Aliens That Look Like Genitalia


Clawbia Majora (Predator)

With a combination labia-mouth like that, no wonder Arnie was chasing this thing for days around the jungle half-naked.

Cock in a Purse (My Stepmother Is an Alien)

It's common knowledge that every woman keeps a Pocket Rocket handy, but on-the-go vixens like Kim Basinger pack scaly-red one-eyed monsters like this nasty hose beast.

Ball-chinian (Men In Black)

Doesn't take a Psych major to pick this one apart.

Sandgina (Star Wars: Return of the Jedi)

It'd take monumongous manhood to tap the Sarlacc's sandy slop box, for sure. But if anyone can do it (see next)...

Dong of the Dead (Dune)

Before David Lynch painted his horny portrait of suburbia with smut like Blue Velvet, the writer/director released his sexual deviance on outer space with these hole-punching hump kabobs.

Spear Pucker (Starship Troopers)

We learned that things worse than poop and legislation can issue from an asshole. For instance, a giant claw that sucks out your brain.

Vibe Raider (Coneheads)

Summer 1993: the only time in Dan Aykroyd's midlife crisis when women considered him sexy. How could they not, what with their nightstand fellow glued to his head through the whole flick?

Prolapsed Anus (War Of The Worlds)

If Richard Gere can accommodate a gerbil, then this whale of an extraterrestrial has to shove the New York Giants up its sphincter to get off.

Alcoholic Clit Monster (Star Wars IV: A New Hope)

The swollen clitoris on this Mos Eisley Cantina regular's jaw is disgusting to be sure, but, at least it's easy to find.

Pocket '70s Bush (Star Trek)

Since the dawn of time, man has sought to grow vaginas like Sea-Monkeys. Tragically, we've yet to discover the formula, but James T. Kirk found the next best thing. In outer space, however, there are no bikini waxes.

Fuck Face (Aliens)

Not only does this otherworldly mound of moosehoof attach itself to your face, forcing cunnilingus, but it also impregnates you with gut-bursting alien spawn. Eww! We don't even kiss with tongue!


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