Thursday, February 25, 2010

Guyspeak Answer Of The Day: Goin' Down (NSFW-ish)

Women ask, I (and five other guys) answer. Check it out. And feel free to ask me a question of your own; just be sure to direct it to the Wise-Ass (yours truly).

Q: How to tell my guy to go down on me.. without saying anything.

A: What are you, a mime? You should be looking for a new career, not trying to get oral sex.

You could try sign language -- if you know it, that is. And if he can read it. If not, there's always layman's sign-language, which is you pointing at him and then pointing at your crotch. (This is also known as Jersey Foreplay.) But that sort of gesture can be misinterpreted, and he might think you are calling him a p*ssy, which leads to much bigger problems.

(Read the rest here. And leave me a comment on the site if you feel inspired. Thanks.)

Google Search Terms That Bring You Here, Vol. 3

Some of the things people were looking for when they arrived at List Of The Day. Can't make this stuff up, folks.

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Vid Of The Day: Denmark Tourism

From The Onion.

News Story Of The Day: Toyota

From The Borowitz Report.

Toyota Chief Overshoots Congressional Hearings by 150 Miles

Finally Stops in Colonial Williamsburg

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – The reputation of the Toyota Motors Corp. received another black eye today as the president of the embattled company missed his scheduled appearance at Congressional hearings after he overshot Washington, D.C. by 150 miles.

Toyota president Akio Toyoda said he was having difficulties with the brakes on his 2010 Toyota Prius, which finally came to rest after crashing into a blacksmith’s shop in Colonial Williamsburg.

In a brief statement to reporters, Mr. Toyoda said, “I knew I should’ve driven my Chevy today.”

In yet another embarrassment, Mr. Toyoda, the grandson of the carmaker’s founder, realized for the first time that his family’s name is spelled differently from the company’s.

Mr. Toyoda said that all members of the Toyoda family would be immediately recalled to fix the spelling error.

20 Celebs Who Aren't Assholes (Of The Day)

They do exist, believe it or not. In fact, back when I was working full-time in TV, I had mostly pleasant experiences with celebs. Two that stand out, though, are Jackie Chan and Fred Willard -- among the nicest people I've ever met, celebrity or otherwise.

From The Frisky.


“I met Jason at a friend’s New Year’s Eve party. He was so sweet and he was kind of hitting on me. But then I got chocolate-covered marshmallow all over my face and he bailed. Sigh.”


“Liz and I had a 15-minute phone conversation booked, and she stayed on for an hour and a half and told me we were like ‘sisters.’ (Uh, grain of salt.) She is surprisingly girly—as in, she wants to talk about hair and makeup and clothes. She’s also a total beauty product junkie.”


“I met Joseph when he was doing an art show with my friend in Brooklyn. He introduced himself as “Jo” as he shook another friend’s hand. She said under her breath “...seph Gordon Levitt.” Very sweet and cordial guy. And obviously, beautiful and talented as well.”

See the rest here.

Classic Video Of The Day: Mistaken Identity

This is awesome. Some guy waiting to interview for a job at the BBC gets mistaken for a tech expert there to appear on camera and is whisked into the studio and put on the air. I love how the guy tries to play along, and his replies are no more banal than what TV experts typically say. Yes, it's real.


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