Monday, November 16, 2009

Classic 70s Song Of The Day: Precious

Here's a little 70s cheese to sprinkle on your dinner. When I was little I thought they were saying, "Precious and few are the moments we toucans share," and I pictured Toucan Sam singing love songs to his girlfriend (Toucan Susie?) when he wasn't shilling for Froot Loops. Kids -- such fuckin' idiots.

Speaking of birds, what's that thing playing bass? Looks like the love child of Big Bird and John C. Reilly.

Climax lead singer Sonny Geraci, says Wikipedia, "Grew up in Cleveland [and] now lives in Chagrin Falls, Ohio, with his wife, Mary Lou, and four children."

News Story Of The Day: Man Wearing Ladies' Swimsuit Exposes Himself

What a dipshit. Even I know you don't wear pantyhose with a swimsuit. Don't ask me how I know, I just do.

"Hey, look at this."

From T-Nova and

Police: Man Wearing Ladies' Swimsuit Exposes Himself

OKLAHOMA CITY -- An Oklahoma City man is accused of exposing himself while wearing a women's bathing suit, pantyhose and makeup.

Phillip John Ortega, 56, was arrested early Monday morning on a complaint of indecent exposure. According to a police report, Ortega exposed himself to a woman who was standing on a porch near N. W. 98th Street and Indiana Avenue.

Terri Carter told police she was outside smoking a cigarette when she saw what she thought was a woman walking toward her. As the person got closer, she realized it was actually a man who was wearing a women's one-piece swimsuit, pantyhose and makeup.

The man kept asking "Where'd my friend go?" Carter said. She told him she didn't know what he was talking about and asked him to not get any closer. The man then pulled out his genitals and said, "Hey, look at this."

"This guy come up, I could tell it was a guy, but he was dressed up in like a woman's pink bathing suit with pantyhose and a white sweater and makeup looking like a woman, dressed like a woman. He come up, pulled out his thing and said 'here,'" Carter said.

Police searched the neighborhood and located Ortega a few blocks away. He matched the description and was later identified by the woman, according to the report.

Ortega remained in the Oklahoma County jail on Thursday afternoon.

The 7 Dumbest Relationship Fights Of The Day


7. I Can't Believe You F*&ked ______ Before We Were Together

Even though you had sex with this person before you and your current beau were together, somehow they think it's okay to be retroactively pissed off at you for this. It'd be like getting a parking ticket in the mail for a car you sold ten years ago. Would you be okay with that? No, you'd call the city and explain to them "Hey, I don't drive that car anymore, I don't even own it." But in this argument, you're not allowed to bring logic and reason in. No, logic and reason are the homeless people and this argument is a Macy's department store; they're not allowed in and if they get in, they're thrown out immediately. Normally if you're in this argument, your partner is pissed because of something else that has nothing to do with you, but they feel like you're the easiest person to take it out on. I call that the "Iraq War Equation."

5. Where Do You Want To Eat?

The problem with this question is, you know EXACTLY where the f*&k you want to eat, but you want to seem easy going, so the result is you both don't say where that place is, and just let the other person guess in hopes they'll say it first so they can sound accommodating. The result is one person behaving like a cop questioning the other person like they're a serial killer who's hidden a victim in a tank that's going to fill with deadly gas in three hours. "Listen, just tell me where to go." "I told you, I don't know where to go." "Yes you do! You know where God Dammit! You name the place and we'll leave right now!"

3. Are These Your Dishes?

Of course they're your dishes. You're the only other person who lives in the f'ing apartment. But this question is an Andy Roddick-esque serve in a game of passive aggressive tennis. Usually it's returned with a hard forehand of something to the effect of "No, someone must have broke into our house, made himself some lasagna, then left before cleaning it up." If Emeril was cooking up an argument, he'd toss in sarcasm and say "Boom! Let's kick it up a notch!" Also, this argument kind of acts like a warp zone in Super Mario Brothers that allows you to jump to different arguments incredibly quickly. "Well, maybe I wouldn't mind you not washing your dishes if you wouldn't take over the house with all your stupid friends on Sundays!" Boom, new argument. It's that easy.

List continues at

Photos Of The Day

Megan took these in Copenhagen and found it amusing that these two signs were near one another. So did I. But hey, it happens, especially when you know a lot of sluts.

Dumbass Of The Day

Dumbass! Ha ha.

The best part is the look on his face when he realizes his mistake. (Snicker.)

Celebrity Camel Toe Of The Day

Cooter-cutters of the rich and famous. This can't be good for your Lady Business.

I smell Photoshop on some of these, but at least someone's skills were put to good use.

Sharon's Stone

Rebecca Romjin

ABBA chick (lead vocals on "Dancing Queef")

Mischa Barton

Maria Sharapova

Somebody's grandma

Lindsay Lohan, also having top issues.

Lil' (?) Kim

Kim Kardashian

Kelly Ripa, about to rip-a her pants. If that pole up her ass hasn't already.

Jessica Simpson ("This cooch wasn't made for walkin'...")

Jessica Biel will kick your ass

Heidi Klam

Fabio stuffs his pants

Eva Longoria

Christina Milian

Anna Kournikova

Alicia Keys. I see two of her keys right now, both of 'em L Major.


Karl Lagerfeld

Jabba The Hutt. Sorry. Photoshopped for sure. There's no way it has a vagina.

Music Video Of The Day: IDLM

The claps make this song for me.


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