Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Found Porn Of The Day

Our own Amy S. visited the Georgia Aquarium recently and captured this rare shot of the Humpback display.

2008 Lowering The Bar Awards

Lowering The Bar is a website dedicated to things humorous and ridiculous in our legal system, be they lawsuits, court decisions, whatever. The list that follows includes some of their "Best Of" for 2008. Yes, 2008. Okay, so I'm a little late on this one, since 2009 is almost over. I blame Juicy for not sending me the link sooner. In fact, I might sue.




See more at Lowering The Bar.

WTF Commercial Of The Day: Ahhh

Another good one from Traci. When it was all said and done, I had just one thought, and that thought was of me hitting this guy in the face with a pickaxe.

Don't miss the wacky shenanigans at 1:14.

Super Exciting Announcement Of The Day: Copperfield

Hold me back! Thousands have disappeared... none of them Mr. Copperfield, sadly.

Kids' Show Clip Of The Day (NSFW)

And it all sounds perfectly fine to a 5-year-old.

The show is real. The clip is not. According to the guy who posted it, the vid was made for a BBC Christmas party.

My thanks to Adria for the link.

Worst Casting Decisions Ever (Of The Day)

From As usual, I don't necessarily agree with all of these -- I thought Elisabeth Shue was fine in Leaving Las Vegas. I couldn't agree more, however, with Michael J. Fox and Vince Vaughn.

Kevin Costner - Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves

Charisma and an English accent is all Robin Hood has going for him. So when you strip those away, you get nothing but a shitty Renaissance Fair in movie form. Alan Rickman had to overact enough for six movies just to make this pile releasable in theaters.

Adam Sandler - The Longest Yard

There is no way in hell that a guy who looks like Adam Sandler ever played professional football, and we're including NFL Europe, the Canadian Football League, and Tecmo Super Bowl for Nintendo.

Elisabeth Shue - Leaving Las Vegas

A woman who earns her living the hard way on the Strip looks more like Nick Nolte in a weave than Ms. Clean. Even by the standards of the "movie prostitute" (you know: hot, disease-free, only turned two or three tricks before meeting the hero), Elisabeth fails to convince on any level. It's a shame, 'cause we totally buy Nic Cage as a drunken loser.

Leonardo DiCaprio / Cameron Diaz - Gangs Of New York

Two for one! Yes, sometimes even a great director like Martin Scorsese can screw the casting pooch. Leo's done some fine work for the furry little director, but Gangs was not it. If it were real life, Bill the Butcher would have been wearing his pelt as suspenders within five minutes of meeting him. And Cameron? If we knew poor street urchin pickpockets were 5-foot-8½-inch ex-models, we would've stayed awake during history.

Sofia Coppola - The Godfather, Part III

Apparently, she knew the director. Mary Corleone is supposed to be so irresistibly hot her own cousin is obsessed with popping her gnocchi. Now take a good long look at Sofia. She's a handsome…woman?

Denise Richards - The World Is Not Enough

When you think "world's top nuclear physicist," you naturally think of belly shirts, pouty lips, and a rack you couldn't take your eyes off of if your shirt caught fire. Even in the world of James Bond, this is beyond a stretch.

Michael J. Fox - Casualties Of War

If you slathered Michael J. Fox in honey and dragged him through loose gravel there still wouldn't be an ounce of grittiness to him. So pitting him as a psychologically tortured Vietnam vet is like having Colonel Kurtz from Apocalypse Now played by John Candy.

Judd Nelson - New Jack City

Every time you see Judd's "loose cannon" vice cop, he's halfway hidden behind the Asian guy or Ice-T's bumba clot Rasta cap, delivering one of his three lines. He's a big 0–3 when it comes to this role's minimum requirement: Judd doesn't look tough, streetwise, or Italian. Not. Even. Close!

Jack Black - King Kong

In order for the events of King Kong to even get off the ground, you've got to believe that the crew of the Venture would follow the hopelessly obsessed but still charismatic film director Carl Denham into the darkest reaches of the uncharted world. Unless Kong is being played by Kyle Gass in a hair suit, there's no chance we're buying this.

Vince Vaughn - Psycho

Tall, handsome, quick with a one-liner, and smooth with the ladies… sounds a lot like Norman Bates, huh? The paranoid, mother-obsessed motel owner should at least look like the kinda creep who talks to dead things and masturbates through holes in the wall. Vaughn just ended up looking like Trent from Swingers with a hangover.


Who else belongs on this list? I know one: M.Utherfucking Night Shyamalamadingdong, in not one -- oh no no -- but all of his shitty-ass movies. A background cameo is one thing, but a speaking part? Distracting and vain. Step off, Narcissus, and leave the acting to the professionals. The filmmaking, too, while you're at it.

Other points of view about the criminally miscast:

The Shiznit
The Vine
Empire Online


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