Tuesday, August 11, 2009

News Of The Day: Sci-Fi Writer Attributes Everything To 'Quantum Flux'

From The Onion.

Sci-Fi Writer Attributes Everything Mysterious To 'Quantum Flux'

August 10, 2009 | Issue 45•33

ROLLA, MO—A reading of Gabriel Fournier's
The Eclipse Of Infinity reveals that the new science-fiction novel makes more than 80 separate references to "quantum flux," a vaguely defined force the author uses to advance the plot, resolve conflict as needed, and account for dozens of glaring inconsistencies.

The strange force is used to explain everything from time travel to why everyone in the novel can understand aliens.

"I'm really excited about this latest book—there's action, adventure, drama, and a little bit of something for everyone," said Fournier, who decided to introduce the narrative device after realizing that the galactic ambassador vaporized in chapter two needed to be alive a lot longer.

"And, of course, there's something I call quantum flux, which is like the binding force behind everything in the universe. Plus, it can cause time travel. And it's an energy source, too."

In Fournier's novel, the idea that particles of energy can appear suddenly out of nowhere is used to explain events that might otherwise seem random, such as how a starship achieves light speed despite the total destruction of its engines in battle, why a loyal first officer suddenly decides to spy on behalf of the aliens who murdered his family, and what became of the security captain whose Southern accent was getting annoying to work with.

(Article continues at The Onion)

NYC Street Posters Of The Day (NSFW)

From Kenneth Goldsmith:

This collection of street posters, mad scribblings, political screeds, religious rants, and paranoid raves was collected on the streets of New York City from 1985 to the present.

Some time ago, it occurred to me that the streets are as full of art as, say, thrift shops are full of great paintings. So, inspired by Jim Shaw's Thrift Shop Paintings, Adolf W├Âlfli's visionary scrawls, and outsider music, I began carrying a portable razor with me whilst out on casual strolls.

What began as a hobby has remained an obsession.

See more HERE at UbuWeb.

See more HERE at UbuWeb.

Exclusionary Product Of The Day

It's too hip for whiteys.

From Sheila.

Movie Trailer Of The Day: Zombieland

Looks like fun. I hadn't even heard of this movie until Bubbasmom sent the link, and now I'm being told it was filmed here in Hotlanta.

The movie stars Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg (The Squid And The Whale), Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine), Michael Cera (Juno), Amber Heard (Pineapple Express) and Bill Murray.

The voiceover on the trailer was done by FOLOTD Tom Kane.


Local Commercial Of The Day: Gynecology/Used Cars

A nice spoof from Beth S.

Things You Do In Your 20s That You'll Regret In Your 40s

Good advice from COED magazine. Great advice, actually. Read it and believe it, younguns. Trust me on this.

Old timers: what would you add to this list?


She was so smokingly hot, your F’ing crotch could’ve spontaneously combusted at any moment. And the fact that she was untouchable -- lest you ruin the entire friendship you and your best buddy had built up since you were six -- made her all the more desirable. But one day, they broke up. And all of a sudden, you were spending your days holding hands and helping her pick out duvet covers. You and “that asshole” Mr. Ex stopped talking. Time goes by. Then some afternoon you come home to find her blowing a guy from the laundromat.


This one applies to everyone, since we Americans all seem to be addicted to screwing ourselves over in the long-run by getting greedy and buying a bunch of stupid crap every 10 seconds when we can’t afford it. Yep, I’ve been there, too. And for now, while your biggest commitment in life is playing Left4Dead, it might seem OK. But when you have a family to support and sending your kids to college is suddenly slopped on your plate, you’re going to be eating a giant sh!t sandwich.


This rotten son-of-a-bitch trap can swallow even the most farsighted individuals. And I get it: You meet the woman of your dreams. You spend all your time with her; she gets all your jokes. And pretty soon, she’s on the pill and you’re living under the same roof, picking out paint for the dining room, secretly wondering what the hell happened to your manhood. Before you know it, you’re d*ck deep in webcam girl bills and pleated khakis. Next up, divorce, which charmingly includes going into debt to pay for the lawyers.


If you didn’t know smoking kills you by now, then you probably deserve whatever fate becomes you. Whatever. The thing the never-smokers don’t understand is, smoking is good for the soul, damnit! (Unfortunately, you only think that because you’re addicted to nicotine.) But unless you’re some type of endlessly-going genetic anomaly, THIS SH!T WILL KILL YOU. Seriously, so unless you want your kids to think you’re a total asswipe, quit right now. If you don’t want to have kids, fine. But that’s not going to make the chemo any less sucky, that’s all I’m sayin’…


It’s hard to realize when you’re 21, but the time for whisking off to foreign lands with nothing to worry about besides which awesome thing to see next quickly evaporates. Before you know it, you’re still in the same place you were seven years before, but with too many responsibilities to get away with jetting off to India for six months, just for the hell of it. So the best bet is to get as much traveling in while you’re single, childless and can still afford to not be working on building up your 401K (as if those mattered much these days, anyway).

(List continues at COED magazine)

Karaoke FAIL Of The Day (video)

Probably funnier if you know the real song he's trying to sing. I don't.

From Josh L.

Vid Of The Day: Why Mom Won't Visit Anymore

Nice of her friends to help out. I would kick the shit out of that dog.

From TheMovieGuru.


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