Thursday, February 19, 2009

Classic SNL Clip Of The Day: Prose And Cons

C.I.L.L. My landlord.

Classic 70s Commercial Of The Day

No stereotypes here, nope.

All-Time Best And Worst Oscar Dresses Of The Day

The Oscars are this weekend. I wonder who will be this year's fashion disaster.

A portion of this article on

BEST DRESSED: Penélope Cruz (2007)

The Academy Awards are a place for honoring drama, both onscreen and off — especially in the form of Cruz's gorgeous Atelier Versace gown with its elaborately feathered train.

WORST DRESSED: Tilda Swinton (2008)

For any attendee, much less an eventual Best Supporting Actress winner (Michael Clayton), getting ready for the big night should involve more than raiding a box of trash bags from Lanvin.

BEST DRESSED: Michelle Williams (2006)

This mustard-hued, beautifully pleated and tucked Vera Wang swept away any trace of doubt that the former "Dawson's Creek" star could make the switch from the small screen to the big time.

WORST DRESSED: Cameron Diaz (2002)

This awkwardly belted, unfortunately accessorized gown was only made worse by the actress' fresh out of bed head.

BEST DRESSED: Hilary Swank (2005)

For her second Oscar win (Million Dollar Baby) the actress chose a unique silhouette in this body-skimming, back-dipping navy Guy Laroche.

WORST DRESSED: Gwyneth Paltrow (2002)

The actress didn't even try to cover up in see-through Alexander McQueen and a bucketful of eyeliner that she must have borrowed from Margot Tenenbaum.

BEST DRESSED: Nicole Kidman (1996)

It would take quite a dress to upstage Tom Cruise, circa Mission: Impossible. But this chartreuse John Galliano for Dior gown, with intricate embroidering, did just that.

WORST DRESSED: C------ D--- (1999)

Is it hard out there for a Best Song nominee? Apparently, as the Canadian singer wore her floppy hat and oversized tux backwards — and badly.

BEST DRESSED: Juliette Binoche (1997)

In a regal gown that broke all the rules — It's a coat! With a popped collar! In velvet! — the English Patient star (and Best Supporting Actress winner) ruled the red carpet.

WORST DRESSED: Demi Moore (1989)

Going casual doesn't always work, though. Consider this the first commandment of Oscar dressing: No bike shorts on the red carpet. Ever.

BEST DRESSED: Cate Blanchett (1999)

The Best Actress nominee (Elizabeth) netted the fashion accolades in this effortlessly slinky, dramatically embroidered John Galliano gown.

WORST DRESSED: Uma Thurman (2004)

It's a testament to the actress's beauty that even in remnants from the Sound of Music wardrobe closet she still looked beautiful. But that doesn't make this puff-sleeved travesty of a Swiss maiden dress from Christian Lacroix okay.

BEST DRESSED: Halle Berry (2002)

Carrying on the great tradition of netting (and strategically placed flowers) Berry's gown proved the star-making power of Oscar's red carpet — not just for the actress, who garnered a few gasps along with the statuette for her Monster's Ball turn, but for Elie Saab whose demurely revealing design earned him a spot on the fashion map.

WORST DRESSED: Angelina Jolie (2000)

She should have been happy with her Best Supporting Actress win (for Girl, Interrupted) but in what could only be termed Goth Formal Jolie just looked scary.

BEST DRESSED: Sharon Stone (1996)

When the nominee (Casino) mixed an old Gap tee with an Armani coat and Valentino skirt, the result was high-low chic — and fashion history.

WORST DRESSED: Cher (1986)

The actress who elevated worst-dressing to an art form reached her pinnacle in this spider-headdressed Bob Mackie creation.

BEST DRESSED: Grace Kelly (1955)

Her sublime ice blue satin gown has since positioned the Best Actress winner (The Country Girl) as the fashion icon to beat.

WORST DRESSED: Björk (2001)

Eight years after the Icelandic singer first walked the swan down the red carpet, the shock has finally subsided enough that some are starting to defend the avian attire. We're not buying it. A fluffy white skirt is fine, but next time, please please please...leave the beak at home.

BEST DRESSED: Audrey Hepburn (1954)

You can't have a conversation about Hollywood icons without mentioning the original gamine, whose classic Givenchy gown made the night of her Roman Holiday win even more noteworthy.

Cheesy Pickup Lines Of The Day

LOTD reader PrincessPi polled her workmates ("a bunch of dirty ho’s who’ve spend many hours in bars being hit on by drunken post-college frat boys") to come up with this list of pukeworthy pickup lines:

Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.

That shirt is very becoming on you. Of course if I were on you, I’d be coming, too.

If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.

Are you Jamaican? Because Jamaican me crazy.

Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?

PrincessPi: "The following are for nerds only, because they need lurve too."

If you were a phaser, you’d be set on stunning.

I’ve heard Uranus rotates on its side. True?

Ever wonder what Earth looks like from the back of a Ford Explorer?

Hey, nice GUI. Want to integrate our matrices?

Nice Wifi. Wanna fuck?

What's the worst one(s) you've ever used or heard?

And from, cheesy pickup lines in various languages, so you can be a loser in any country.

"Do you come here often?"

French: Tu viens ici souvent?
Spanish: ¿Viene aqui mucho?
Italian: Vieni spesso qui?
German: Kommst du hier oft?
Dutch: Kom je heir vaak?

"How you doin'?"

French: Alors, ça roule?
Spanish: ¿Què tal?
Italian: Come stai?
German: Wie geht's?
Danish: Hva så der?

"Is it hot in here, or is it just you?"

French: Il fait chaud ici, ou c`est juste toi?
Spanish: ¿Hace calor aqui, o eres tù?
Italian: Fa caldo qui, o è perchè ci sei tu?
German: Ist es hier warm, oder bist du nur heiβ?
Swedish: Är det varmt här eller, är det bara du?

"Screw me if I'm wrong, but you want to sleep with me, don't you?"

French: Baise-moisi j`ai tort, mais tu veux cocher avec moi, n`est ce pas?
Spanish: Que me jodan si me equivoco:¿tù quieres acostarte conmigo, no?
Italian: Fottimi se mi sbaglio, ma vuoi venire a letto con me, no?
German: Ich soll verflucht sein, wenn ich mich irre, aber du willst doch mit mir schlafen, oder?
Dutch: Ik mag doodvallen als 't niet waar is, maar je wilt met naar bed, hè?

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?"

French: Que fait une gentille fille comme toi dans un esprit mal tournè comme le mien?
Spanish: ¿Que hace una chica tan maja como tù en una mente tan sucia como la mìa?
Italian: Che fa una ragazza perbene come te in una mente sporca come la mia?
German: Was macht ein nettes Mädchen wie du in so schmutzigen Gedanken wie meinen?
Danish: Hvad laver en pæn pige som dig i mine beskidte fantasier?

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

French: Si je te disais que tu as un beau corps, tu m'en tiendrais rigueur?
Spanish: Si te digo que tienes un cuerpo precioso,¿me lo restregaràs por la cara?
Italian: Se ti dicessi che hai un bel corpo, lo stringeresti sul mio?
German: Wenn ich sage, dass du einen tollen Körper hast, würdest du es mich spürgen lassen?
Thai (phonetically): Taa chan bok wa khoon mii roobrang tii som suan khoon ja yeng chan mai?

"That's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?"

French: Que belle paire de jambes, A quelle heure s'ouvrent-elles?
Spanish: Vaya par de piernas. ¿A què hora abren?
Italian: Che bel paio di gambe. A che ora aprono?
German: Das sind hübsche Biene—und wann öffnen sie?
Russian (phonetically): Haroshenikie nozhki, a kagda ani atkryvayootsya?

"That's a nice dress. It would look great on my bedroom floor."

French: Quelle belle robe. Je la vois bien par terre dans me chambre.
Spanish: Llevas un vestido muy bonito. Quedarìa precioso en el suelo de mi habitaciòn.
Italian: Che bel vestito. Andrebbe molto bene sul pavimento della mia camera da letto.

"My underwear is edible."

French: Mes sous-vètements sont comestibles.
Spanish: Mi ropa interior es comestible.
Italian: Le mie mutande sono commestibili.
German: Meine Unterwäsche ist essbar.
Hebrew (phonetically): Hatakhtonim sheli akhilim.

And, if any of these should actually work...

"I'm not sleeping on the wet spot."

French: Je ne dors pas sur la partie mouillèe.
Spanish: Yo no duermo encima de este charco.
Italian: Non dormo sulla chiazza bagnata.
German: Ich schlafe nicht auf der nassen Stelle.
Thai (phonetically): Chan ja mai non bon puen biaak.

Song Of The Day: Shut Up And Let Me Go

I'm draggin' ass this morning. This should help.

Graphs Of The Day

From Kate and Keva. All courtesy of


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