Monday, December 15, 2008

Genius Of The Day: DNA Test (video)

I'm shocked that a guest on Jerry Springer could be this stupid. Ok, not really.

A video from


Crimefighter Wannabe Of The Day

Hey, check it out, Michael Jackson has a new look. It's called "Zorro returns from visiting his cousin in San Francisco."

"Zacko" took his cousin a copy of "HIStory, Part I," but it was refused.

Here Mikey returns to the safety of his limo and the baby collage he made from cardboard and school glue.

From Mandy and The Daily Mail (UK).

QOTD: Your Crappiest Gift

Today's question is from Aspiring Ebert, who wants to know, "What's the crappiest/weirdest holiday gift you've ever received?" She thinks the answers will be amusing, and so do I. Bad homemade art from your kids doesn't count; we're talking about gifts from people who should know better.

Mine's easy. My in-laws gave me a lint roller one year. I'm not kidding. It wasn't the only thing I got, mind you, but still... a lint roller? I wanted to re-gift it back to them the next year, but the wife wouldn't let me.

Your turn.

Damn Shame Of The Day

There goes my week. From Kristin Dos Santos at E! Online.


Have mercy!

Just as Warner Brothers officially shoots down rumors of a Gossip Girl spinoff, I've just been told by a reliable inside source that John Stamos is no longer pitching a "semi-remake" of Full House.

"We couldn't make the deal," says the source, who is close to the project. "It's completely dead right now."

So how will we find out what Uncle Jesse, D.J., Stephanie and the rest of the trusty Tanners are up to?And how will Mary-Kate and Ashley pay their rent? Well, it "could happen in the future," says the insider.

Earlier this week, Candace Cameron Bure (D.J.) told OK! magazine: "John Stamos has actually been working on a semi-remake of Full House. I know it would involve me and Jodie [Sweetin]...We would revive our characters but today as young women."

With the success of the CW's new 90210 and plans to relaunch a new version of Melrose Place, not to mention NBC's attempts at Knight Rider and Bionic Woman, clearly nostalgic TV remakes are something of a trend, but I'm told there wasn't enough interest in a 'House' of Tanner women without either of the Olsens (who'd be about as easy to book as series regulars as God).

Loving Couple Of The Day

From The Smoking Gun and Voronya, who never gets turned down.

"Not Tonight, Honey"

Louisiana man gets fat lip for refusing to have sex with girlfriend

DECEMBER 10 -- Meet Brittany Phillips. Early Saturday morning, the 19-year-old Louisiana woman wanted some sex from her boyfriend. But Todd Stewart, 35, was apparently not in the mood. In fact, he tried to push Phillips off of him in the bedroom of the pair's West Monroe home.

That much the couple can agree upon, according to Ouachita Parish Sheriff's Office reports. Phillips claims Stewart became violent after rebuffing her advances. Stewart told an investigator that he left the bedroom to sleep on a living room couch, but that Phillips "would not leave him alone."

At some point, he added, things got physical and he was stabbed in the lower lip with "a long metal object which appeared to be a knife."

For her part, the frisky Phillips acknowledged to Deputy Shane Smith that she struck Stewart, but said it was done "to protect herself." Phillips, pictured in the below mug shot, was charged with aggravated battery, while a bloody Stewart, seen here, was charged with simple battery.

Phillips was also booked on a pair of outstanding warrants, for simple battery and damage to property.

(Full story HERE)


Godawful Nativity Scenes Of The Day

There's a line in the great Woody Allen movie, Hannah And Her Sisters, where a character says, "If Jesus came back today, he'd never stop throwing up." Why? Because of crap like this.

All photos (and a couple of the jokes) from Cavalcade of Bad Nativities. Many thanks to Todd for the link.

Mr. Bill Nativity. Oh nooooooooooooo!

O Little Village Of The Damned...

Owl Nativity. Hooo, hooo, whoooose child is this?

Nativity Ball 'n' Paddles. Hit the baby Jesus and you lose a turn.

Is this a nativity or Christmas At The Grand Ol' Opry?

Nativity S'mores. Eat one. I dare you.

Santa and Joseph switched places this year. I hope Joe knows how to fly a sleigh.

King Herod's always after me Lucky Charms!

The Jesus In The Plastic Bubble

The Nativity Egg Timer. Counting down the minutes to your arrival in Hell.

Nativity Snowmen. Better get Baby Jesus into a refrigerated boxcar before he melts.

Giant Inflatable Nativity. Nothing tells your neighbors "We're religious freaks!" quite like it.

Nativity Candle, with the delicate aroma of livestock and childbirth.

Jawa Nativity. "The Force is strong with this one."

The Spinning Nativity Ornament -- a gentle reminder that all the saints are spinning in their graves.

Joseph's about to high-dive into the crib.

Hobbit Nativity. The one ring king to rule them all.

Precious Moments Nativity, featuring Baby Jesus with Sasquatch feet.

Even the dogs know this is wrong.

Rubber Duck Nativity. Yeah.

Santa again. He's asking Jesus, "So, have you been a good little boy this year?"

Nativity Cats, every one of them plotting how to get rid of Kitty Jesus and assume power.

Nativity Chickens. Insert joke here, I got nothin'.

Nativity Cuckoo Clock. Perfect for a sleeping infant.

Why so glum, Nativity Bears? You were hoping for a fish?

Peace on Earth.. or whatever planet you come from.

Now kids, don't fight over the chocolate Jesus. I'm making another batch.

Nativity Bean Bag Toss. Great idea - throw stuff at Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Eskimo Nativity. Instead of camels, the Wise Men arrived by dog sled.

Joseph: "YES! Father of the Messiah. WOOT!"

Jesus, Joseph & Marty. (From Craig B.)

I saved the worst for last... the Celebrity Nativity from Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in London. Featuring Samuel L. Jackson, Hugh Grant and Graham Norton as shepherds; David and Victoria Beckham as Joseph and Mary; Kylie Minogue as an angel; Tony Blair, Prince Philip and George Bush as -- ha! -- Wise Men.

I once saw a version of Davinci's The Last Supper that had movie stars in place of the apostles: Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, W.C. Fields, Charlie Chaplin, etc. Elvis Presley was Jesus. This reminds me of that painting.


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