Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Wedding Dress Of The Day

How tacky! He wore a light colored tie over a white dress shirt. C'mon dude! Show a little fashion sense.

At least his wife knows how to dress.

Thanks to Keva, Angela and Amy, who all sent this photo, presumably because they are envious of this woman's style and class.

News From The Beach

First, the good news. I've been in the ocean four times now and no one has tried to harpoon me. Of course, compared to some of my fellow beachgoers around here, I look like a survivor of the Bataan Death March. Still, I'm keeping my ears open for any cries of "Thar he blows!" so I can submerge quickly.

Second, the better news. I just got a new tank top for the beach, and it cost nothing. Cool, huh? In fact, I have five just like this. See, skid marks aren't always a bad thing.

Many thanks to Mandy for the photo.

Craigslist Ad Of The Day

A tempting offer for all you gamer girls out there. Fairly graphic, so skip it if you are easily offended. Thanks, Josh, for the link.

Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brothers ? - m4w

Date: 2008-07-02, 2:35PM EDT

Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then.

You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.

I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.

Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.

When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, "MORE", "HARDER", "YES", "FUCK ME", but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.

When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like "OH GOD", "YES", OR "IT HURTS" no other conversation is allowed.

When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like "Thanks", "It was great", "I loved it", "Don't stop"

If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.

I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together.

Best Of LOTD's Engrish Of The Day

Some highlights from last year. All pics from Engrish.com.

Oh honey, you look fucking lovely!

But taste like cat

Thank you, Foster Brooks

Here, crippie, take my seat

Great with wild lice

Now we know what duck sauce is.

You won't find it there, I assure you

You must go over there to die. Thank you.

Does it really matter?

Not nice. Some of my best friends are liquor heads.

Kind of redundant, isn't it?

Tell me, Clarice... are the heads still screaming?

Mother gets her anus done every week.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!

Just off camera, another sign with the same thing points to the left

Flavors of the day: Dark Pinch Roast and Crappacino

I wouldn't tickle him

Weird, because horsebeans sound delicious.

"Would you mind terribly if I strangled you?"

I always have trouble choosing between pigeon and duck's head

Better known in the U.S. as Banana Republic

I knew it

That's not my heart that's tinkling

If there's one thing we don't need help with...

No break dancing!

Time limit for teenage boys: 15 seconds

"See you after the flight, Mom."

Seen in front of every Holiday Inn Express

Mmm.. that's good dork.


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