Friday, May 23, 2008

Top 10 Celebrity Douchebags

From Crave Online. Here are five; visit their site for the other five. Their list, their copy.

#6 – Tyra Banks

I liked Tyra Banks better back when she wasn’t saying shit. Now all of the sudden she’s the new Oprah. Personally, I am of the opinion that one Oprah was already one too many. Tyra Banks has two shows on TV in which she dispenses bad advice to desperate girls and woman despite being crazier than a shithouse rat. And what’s with that fivehead she’s sporting? She looks like a black conehead. Please, for the love of god, would someone ship her back home to Remulak?

#9 – Matthew McConaughey

It’s time you put a shirt on, jackass. Not everyone has time to work out 37 times a day. I’m sick to death of this guy making me look bad at the beach, and then compounding my dislike of him by putting out at least two horribly unwatchable romantic formula comedies every goddamn year. And lose the hick drawl for chrissakes, you’ve been living in L.A. for like 100 years already. No one’s buying it.

#3 – Ben Stiller

I am at the absolute limit of my tolerance for Ben Stiller. I would rather eat a sackful of empty beer bottles than watch another one of his movies. I would rather clean the floor of a bus station men's room with my tongue. I would rather spend an entire workweek with a handful of razor blades down my pants than ever see even so much as a rudimentary drawing of his mugging, monkey face, ever again. That’s how much I hate Ben Stiller.

#10 – Sarah Silverman

Sarah Silverman is one of those comedians that everybody claims to like because she is so “edgy” and her material is so “controversial”. In reality, Sarah Silverman is neither, unless Paris Hilton and Britney Spears jokes are what you consider edgy. When Sarah performed at the VMAs last year, it was perhaps the most awkwardly silent crowd ever seen at an award show. And it wasn’t because they were shocked or offended, but simply because it just wasn’t funny. Silverman couldn’t even last a single season on “Saturday Night Live”, which is probably the least funny show on television.

#5 – Anybody That Has Anything To Do With "American Idol"

That includes people who watch it and talk about it all the damn time. American Idol is basically a bad karaoke show that conjures up the spirit of “Star Search”, minus any possibility of being entertained. This is a show that has forced upon us Ryan Seacrest, Clay Aiken, Simon Cowell, Sanjaya and the reanimated corpse of Paula Abdul. It is singlehandedly responsible for making our entire nation stupider, and may even be responsible for the collapse of the music industry as a whole. So, the next time you wanna talk about American Idol, do us all a favor, please, and shut yer cakehole.

Vid Of The Day: Oprah's Birthday

Another SNL classic. Many thanks to Mr. Boone once again for the link. Sorry about the sync problem; not sure what's up with that.

Vids Of The Day: Fainting

A montage of people fainting from AFHV and Harmony. Why? Because seeing people bust ass makes me laugh.

And speaking of fainting, check out these goats. I guess it's some kind of evolutionary survival mechanism, like a opossum, so how come you never see goat roadkill? From Audra.

When Thong Is Wrong

From Mandy & Rebecca, who love thongs on men.

When it's on the outside...

When it's on the field

When it's trying to escape

When it's on sideways

When you both wear it

When it's on this guy

When it's showing what no one wants to see

When it reaches your armpits

When it's on a dog

When it's.. well.. jeez...

When it escaped from a nursing home

When it's worn by a zombie


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