Thursday, April 3, 2008

Birthday Cakes Of The Day

After I posted this cake last week, I got two more funny cakes from The Courteous Chihuahua and Princess Pi. So I dug around online to see what other weird cakes I could find.

From The Courteous Chihuahua:"I found this picture on the internet and did this 40th b-day cake for a guy at work who had the pre-teen hots for Wonder Woman."

From Princess Pi, who writes, "The cake we got for my boss on his birthday, from a bakery called Masterbakers. This was the John Holmes model."

Well that's appetizing. "Just give me a small piece of rat. Thanks."

Isn't 22 a little old for an Incredible Hulk cake? I wonder if they played Pin The Tail On The Donkey at his party.

Mom needs to lay off the Adderall

Football? Or the stitched-up face of a burn victim?

The cake looks awful but this is a clever idea

Another birthday in the IT department. 27 guys in short-sleeve dress shirts and clip-on ties.

Jamie Lynn's party was a huge success

But if you've been a good boy, maybe there's some pie waiting for you upstairs

Mom's true feelings about her son finally emerge.

And if you've already done the boob cake...

Two more from Audra: "
My sad sad rendition of a Wizard of Oz cake. I overestimated my decorating skills on my daughter's 4th birthday. I think I spent twice as much as I would have if I had just bought one. "

Audra: "My sister, her roommate and I named this the shit cake. It was a gift to her roommate from a guy who has a crush on her. It floated on a layer of oil. I touched it and I swear it bit me."


Vid Of The Day: Blood

From Jessica and Harmony.

Not funny! (but it is)

Vid Of The Day: McDonald's Rap

Harmony says this is a bit old, but once again, I'd never seen it. Very funny.

News Story Of The Day: Three Minutes Is OK

HA! I've been telling my wife this for years. Vindicated!



Maybe men had it right all along: It doesn't take long to satisfy a woman in bed.

A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.

If that sounds like good news to you, don't cheer too loudly. The time does not count foreplay, and the therapists did rate sexual intercourse that lasts from 1 to 2 minutes as "too short."

Researcher Eric Corty said he hoped to ease the minds of those who believe that "more of something good is better, and if you really want to satisfy your partner, you should last forever."

The questions were not gender-specific, said Corty (who, it must be noted, is male). But he said prior research has shown that both men and women want foreplay and sexual intercourse to last longer.

Dr. Irwin Goldstein, editor of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, cited a four-week study of 1,500 couples in 2005 that found the median time for sexual intercourse was 7.3 minutes. (Women were armed with stopwatches.)

It's difficult for both older men and young men to make sexual intercourse last much longer, said Marianne Brandon, a clinical psychologist and director of Wellminds Wellbodies in Annapolis, Md.

"There are so many myths in our culture of what other people are doing sexually," Brandon said. "Most people's sex lives are not as exciting as other people think they are."

My 70s Childhood

Things that stand out most in my mind from growing up in the groovy 70s...

Walter Cronkite, Watergate
and Vietnam on the news - we'd watch every night, and my dad would just shake his head and mutter, "Man oh man." Things like the "Saturday Night Massacre" were scary. There was no cable or CNN back then, so every network would break in to regular programming anytime something big happened, and during Watergate, it seemed like they were breaking in every night.

Wacky Races - my sister and I loved this show. I think it's on Boomerang now.

Koogle - flavored peanut butter. Even worse than it sounds.

Grand Funk Railroad
- my cousins had all their 8-tracks and "I'm Your Captain/Closer to Home" always had to change program in the middle because it was so F-in long. "I'm getting closer to my hoooo--. Stop. Silence. Click. Silence. Click. Silence. Click. "Hooooooooome...."

The Carol Burnett Show - The best one of the now-defunct "variety hour" genre, with comedy skits and great musical guests every week. It was always sad when she started singing the closing song. "I'm so glad we had this time together...."

The Banana Splits - I still don't know their names. Fleagle, Beagle, Grouper? Snork? I just watched the intro for the first time in 30+ years, and it still made me excited.

A Quinn Martin Production - Cannon, Barnaby Jones, The FBI. Tonight's episode: Crucible of Fear.

The '72 Olympics in Munich - I vividly remember watching the news and seeing the video of the guy in the ski mask on the balcony., and I remember Jim McKay all pale and shellshocked saying, "They're all gone." The world seemed like such a dangerous place.

The Sonny & Cher Show - my dad called them hippies but they made us laugh. My mom had a Cher record with "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves." I thought they were brother and sister. I couldn't imagine either of them marrying the other. I once saw a magazine ad with them that said, Guess who reads the Bible?

The Flip Wilson Show - Flip was the first man I ever saw in drag. Not counting Grandpa. Geraldine killed.

Mood Rings - What a scam. Mine never changed color, and I was a moody little bastard.

The anti-pollution PSA with the crying Indian. You could say "Indian" for Native American in the 70s. Except this Indian, Iron Eyes Cody, was Sicilian.

"The Night The Lights Went Out in Georgia" - a scary song for kids growing up in Georgia at the time. Why does the judge have blood stains on his hands?

The Sims - the neighbors who lived behind us. The kids loved our treehouse. Mr. Sims, an attorney, was our landlord, and his daughter Michelle and I were classmates. A few years after we moved away, Mrs. Sims shot and killed her husband.

Vertibird - I wish I still had one. Or at least the hours I spent playing it.

The Donny & Marie Show - when we grew up, my sister Gina was going to marry Donny and I was going to marry Marie. I'm kind of glad now that I didn't.

The Honeycomb Hideout - I had a treehouse and for a while called it The Honeycomb Hideout until Bill Powell told me that was stupid. So I tossed him over the side and renamed it the Bill Powell High Dive.

Battling Tops - My second favorite toy after Vertibird.

Wacky Packages - god I loved these things but could never afford to buy enough to make a complete set. I can now, and they still make them, so I buy ten packs every time I go to Target.

Batman (the live-action TV series with Adam West) - we weren't allowed to watch it after my sister started having nightmares about False Face disguising himself as my mother.

Marathon candy bar
- you could eat on that sumbitch for days.

Dark Shadows - another show we were forbidden to watch.. but did anyway. It scared the crap out of us. I wonder if a soap opera about vampires would make it today?

ABBA - the blonde was HOT... well, at least to a 10-year-old.

Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots - the ones they brought back a few years ago were much smaller than the originals, and sucked!

The Six Million Dollar Man - he whupped both Maskatron & Sasquatch, but then cried when his girlfriend Jamie Summers died in a tragic skydiving accident. What a wuss.

Gnip-Gnop - never had it, always wanted it, finally played it at a friend's house and it was lame.

Electronic Football - a game that was absolutely impossible to control, yet we played it for hours on end. The best part was painting the little guys the colors of your favorite team. Mine was the Dallas Cowboys; now I can't stand them.

Leather Bracelets with your name on them - when you were going with someone, you traded bracelets and wore each other's.

The Brady Bunch - every Friday night at 8:00. I still love it, and now my daughter and I watch it together. Yes, it's corny. I don't care.

Lincoln Logs - I liked these a lot better than TinkerToys or Legos.

Stretch Armstrong - unbreakable, but not uncuttable. I could tell you what's inside him, but that's something everyone must find out for him or herself.

Barry Manilow - I write the songs, my ass. He didn't even write THAT song.

The Bionic Woman - Jamie Summers resurrected as a hot teacher who ripped a phone book in half to calm unruly kids. She lived in Ojai, California. I wanted to live in Ojai, California. We parked in front of the TV every Saturday night to watch "The Bionic Woman" at 8, "The Love Boat" at 9 and "Fantasy Island" at 10.


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