Thursday, October 18, 2007

Great News!!!

My new penis is here! My new penis is here!!!

"You! Out Of The Gene Pool!" Video Of The Day

At least he won't be procreating.


Best of LOTD: Your Worst Jobs

Great stuff from LOTD readers. Send me yours and I'll do an update.

Receptionist/shampoo girl at a kids’ hair salon. Why did it suck? Sometimes when the kids got scared or upset, they would puke. Guess who got to clean it up? They also get lice. - Laura

Hands down, ice cream man when I was 17. I should have listened to my instincts when I met the guys who ran the company; every one of them looked like they were three months out of prison. But a friend was already doing it, so I let him talk me into it. They assigned me a territory that should have come with an armor-plated Humvee. Other guys in adjacent routes actually carried semi-automatic weapons taped to the side of their freezers. Between the drug dealers who assumed I was trying to muscle in on their turf, the crack whores wanting to trade a case of syphilis for a Dreamsicle, and the 11-year-olds who made sure you saw the Glock stuck in the back of their pants when they asked for a "free sample", I lasted about a month. Even now, 30 years later, when I hear that music coming down the street, I shudder. - Tom

Pushing carts in a Wal-Mart parking lot, and being "credited" for being the first girl to ever do it at that store. As a result, I developed tendonitis in my achilles tendons and was moved to the electronics dept., where I couldn't answer any questions about computers or country songs, infuriating these oh-so-pleasant customers of the lowest common denominator. - Heder

Selling fax machines -- or, I should say, going around town talking about fax machines, because I never actually sold any. Faxes were the new big things at the time, and some of the ones I "sold" cost upwards of $2500 -- a hard sell to the dying textile mills and small furniture manufacturers of Burlington, NC. Didn't matter, though; I was the worst salesman ever. Once, after an unsuccessful sales pitch to an attractive female bank manager, I turned around to leave and walked right into her closed office door. She held her laughter until I left, then she and her assistant burst into a howl the second they closed the door behind me. That was the day I decided I needed a new line of work. - carymc

Working in a valentine factory over the summer during college. I did it w/my friend Mia who was also attending college. We got jeered at by the non-attending college, high school drop-outs who gave us dirty looks all day. Made lots of money that summer glueing velvet on a heart-shaped piece of cardboard. - Lynn

Mine’s easy: temp job at age 15 working for Hickory Farms. Worksite was a little kiosk set up in the center of the local mall for Christmas. My job? Walking among the holiday shoppers asking them to sample the/my beefstick – a phallic shaft approx 2 feet in length. - Don

I think that would have to be PHAT modeling on the Donny & Marie talk show, wearing a maternity suit (padded out to appear with child) to show off Kathy Ireland's Spring Fashions for Mommy, and being asked repeatedly by Donny (dumb as a post) "WHEN ARE YOU DUE?" While I wanted to say, "Donny, I have a beer cooler in here (tummy) you jack ass!" I simply said..."ANY MINUTE!!!!!!" Prolly not the best thing to experience on national television. Good times. - Vaniqua

Host at the Waffle House at 16. I held the door open for people as they came in and also had to manage the coffee station for people were waiting for a table. First thing I had to do every day was sweep the parking lot - I can think of many other parking lots I would have liked to have swept other than that one. The manager always got on me about smiling and being friendly to everyone that came in, "Even if it's a big fat 'ol ugly bitch," he said. I worked the 7am to 2pm shift, came home smelling like waffle house batter and cigarettes. This was when "Achy Breaky Heart" was popular and customers would play that shit on the jukebox ALL DAY LONG. I wanted to slit my throat. - themovieguru


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